What should a wife do if her husband does not support the family financially? What to do if a man does not support a family? My husband doesn't want to support me.

This is how it happens: you try to get married, push the groom to the altar, and then bam - you signed, but there is no responsibility on the part of the husband. He does not provide for his family, does not reach for high earnings, he does not care about prosperity in the family, and you have to pull everything yourself.

Why is this happening? Maybe in a hurry to get married? Or did she screw up somewhere?

When the problem is the man

Women love to talk negatively about their husbands. This is ugly, but sometimes they are right: “Yes, I was in a hurry, I didn’t see it, I jumped out to get married, and he turned out to be the hero of not my novel.”

The key word here is "hasty". After all, some couple of years of living together without children would not hurt. The first two years are a time of grinding characters, and they should not be in the candy-bouquet period, but in life together. At this time, you recognize a person, and it makes no sense to wait for him to change.

So what could you have missed in his character because of your haste?

Infantilism

The man did not take place as an adult. Responsibility for him is something out of the realm of fantasy. It is necessary to take guardianship over him himself, than to call him to some serious actions.

Psychic infantilism has nothing to do with mental retardation. A man is not a fool, he perceives the world as it is, but he has no desire to work on himself and develop.

How can you recognize an infantile man:

He is unable to make independent decisions. It must be pushed literally with a poke in the back. Otherwise, all his ideas are childish nonsense.

He has no goals in life. Life goes with the flow - and that's okay. No interests, no aspirations, no inspiration for exploits.

He has dependent tendencies. He does not mind being henpecked, as long as he is not touched and forced to make decisions.

He is unable to adapt. It is difficult for him to change something in life, as this is a real stress for him. He perceives a job change or a move as a catastrophe.

Why does this happen to grown-up men? The main reason is the strange upbringing of parents. Especially if the head of the family has always been an authoritarian mother, and the father is in the last roles. Or it didn't exist at all. Before marriage, the mother wiped her “child” nose, told him what to do, and the guy just relaxed his brain.

What to do with such an infant? In principle, this is not the worst option, because its main distinguishing feature is that it is a follower. In the article you will find out all the options that you can do with him: does he have at least some abilities, is it possible to enlist the help of an influential person, where he needs to work, knowing his psychotype.

You can send him yourself if you really care about this person. The trouble is for that family if both the husband and wife are both naive and infantile. They can multiply endlessly, live in poverty on child benefits and hope for a miracle that will not happen.

Laziness and selfishness

This is the case when the guy is far from being a fool, but he only lifts a finger when the benefit shines specifically for him. "And what will I have for this?" - such a phrase is often found among lazy egoists.

Such a man is in no hurry to get married. And if he already thought up, then “hold on wife”: her commanding voice does not mean anything to him, he will either leave the scandal, or he will bang his fist on the table.

Stupid is that woman who thinks that the birth of a child will push this bumpkin to some kind of action. He is an egoist, he loves only himself, children can only aggravate the already shaky relationship, because their crying will interfere with his sleep, and outdoor games with them are beyond the power of the fool.

Besides:

He will not go to strain on physically hard work, because this can undermine his precious health and fragile psyche.

He will not deal with children with an excuse: “You yourself wanted them, but I didn’t!”. By the way, if it is so, then he will be right.

He will firmly distinguish the financial budget into “mine” and “common”. Moreover, the advantage will be on his side: the family can do without spiritual food, but he cannot.

What can be done? Egoists are very vulnerable at heart, and someone else's opinion is not an empty phrase for them. But the tone of what is said is important to them. If the wife is hysterical, then his majestic ears do not catch the cry. If she praises him, he melts. You can read about this in the article.

The opinion of others (relatives, friends, acquaintances) is also of great importance. If they menacingly call on him to plow for his family, then he will most likely break off all relations with his advisers.

It’s another matter if they act wisely: they admire his achievements, intelligence and success (although all this is in question), and they will hint, they say, what kind of family you have so strange, it doesn’t match you: the wife is poorly dressed, the children are not in mugs walk. Teach your wife to be a real lady, take her shopping, take her to the salon, take those pale ones out for a picnic to sunbathe.

For an egoist, no matter how lazy he is, it is very important that he has all the best, even a family, at least for show. He moved from his place - admire him, rejoice, like a girl, with his gifts. There is no other way with him.

When the woman is the problem

Yes, oddly enough, the wives themselves are to blame for the fact that the husband does not want to provide for the family. What are these reasons?

If she spoiled him

This is a common problem for older women, for whom the main goal is marriage. Good men were dismantled, only infants, egoists and sloths remained. They are opportunists and sometimes swindlers.

And so the dates began: everything on her territory and everything at her expense. Like, I’ll lure, and then he will work for me, good, and shower with gold. But no, this number did not work: he also eats at her expense and pretends that he cannot get a job. And she pities him.

Good with moms. But such a marriage is rarely short-lived. As soon as the “mommy” pushes the spouse out of her territory, he will begin to pretend that he is correcting himself. But when he comes back, he relaxes.

Sometimes such a marriage is normal if the wife lacks such an overgrown child. And they really love each other. And the fact that the husband does not help with money is not a problem, the wife will provide.

If she is selfish

Yes, he provides it to the best of his abilities and capabilities! But everything is not enough for her: she has seen enough of a beautiful life in TV shows, and let's be weird - you need, they say, “like everyone else”, a cool car, a vacation in the Maldives, perfume from Versace.

And the husband is only capable of prosperity in the family. He would be happy to please his wife with frills, but his only fault is that he sometimes wants to sleep at night, and not thresh 24 hours a day. You have to be more modest, girl.

If the family no longer exists

Many women believe that even after a divorce, a stamp in a passport can mean something. Well, the husband did not file for divorce on time, he just left, and even to another, which he provides.

He is obliged to pay child support, he is not obliged to meet with them, but if he is a good father, he will participate in their lives. But he should not take the full provision of the former family into his own hands.

A man in the family is only where he is fed after work and put to bed. Where he is drawn after work, and he will give at least the entire paycheck with joy and trust. And there is no need to call him to conscience, because the wife who did not create comfort and a good microclimate in the family is shameless.

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

If you're interested, you can. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Many couples today do not experience any pleasure from their relationship. Instead of enjoying life, people find out who should pay for what and why one has to earn more...

Psychologist Oleg Silyavsky about the correct roles of a man and a woman, the immutability of human nature and why paying 40 sheep for a lady is right!

"Where is the justice?" ask the male miners. “Real heroes have long since disappeared,” complain the fair sex. Onliner.by correspondents talked with Oleg Silyavsky, coach, psychologist trainer, teacher of the true essence, director of the Praktikum consulting company, about the correct roles of a man and a woman, the immutability of human nature, and why paying 40 sheep for a lady is right.

What should ideally be the roles of men and women?

— In my trainings, I often invite people to present a simple biological model. For example, there is a house on the edge of the forest, a man, a woman and five children live in it - as it used to be. And from this follow all the roles, functions, consequences, who should treat whom, who should do what. Yes, everything has changed in material and social terms: people live in comfortable apartments, there is no need to cut wood, carry firewood. But at the same time, the archetypal nature of man remained the same. If people do not follow it, then problems begin, certain defects: psychological, social.

In general, in the modern world there is a clear distortion of the roles of men and women, it's like giving a drink. Painfully, people have come off their true nature, they do what they want. Men forget their roles and functions, women lose theirs... In this sense, it is really a complete mess now.

- If you follow your model, then it turns out that a man should fully provide for a woman?

“Of course I should. Definitely. Otherwise, he loses his masculine essence and degenerates. There is such a thing as a spiritual path, and everyone follows it, whether he knows about it or not. If a man does not realize his true biological function, then his path, his psyche are distorted. The same with a woman.

But does a man owe a woman anything?

- If he is a man, then he first of all owes himself, his masculine nature and his spiritual path. The duty of a man, his natural nature, is to be a warrior, a protector, a patron. And if he doesn't, then he's not a man. Of course, a person can do otherwise. He really doesn't owe anyone anything. But then let him accept the consequences of what he does, that he does not fulfill his specific destiny. And the consequences will be sad - for both men and women who do not want to go the natural way.

- What are the consequences?

- For a man, this is the destruction of a business, the loss of the meaning of life, depression, alcoholism, impotence. There are a lot of options that nature has prepared. In women, violation of their nature and the right spiritual path lead to loss of beauty, weight gain, female cancer.

At first, it all seems like fun, especially at a young age. We have not yet caught up with these consequences ... Here in Hinduism and Buddhism such a concept as karma is confessed. This beautiful law is actually the law of karma, or, as it is also called, the law of universal justice. But even if we remove the mystical side of the issue, the law of karma really exists. And here it is not even necessary to bring all these Buddhist stories about reincarnation. The law of universal justice works already in this life. The essence of this law is very simple: the choices we made yesterday determine our lives today, the choices we make today will determine our lives tomorrow. Therefore, those people who today make a choice against their true nature, at first can enjoy, get a lot of pleasure. It seems to them that they have got rid of unnecessary obligations: to provide for a woman, support a family, or - for a woman - to serve a man, maintain a hearth, raise children. But a person can rejoice for a year, two, three, and in five it will catch up with him. And in eight, it will catch up with him so much that he will not find it a little. I have been practicing for twenty years and have seen so many destinies! It really works like clockwork, and people don't even know it. They think: this is the world, you know, do what you want in it. And it's not as simple as it seems.

“So, what is the true path of a real man?”

“He has to have a Cause first. For a man, it plays a fundamentally important role. If he has no business, then this, consider, is not a man. It would be wrong to say "profession" here. Is businessman a profession? Or an artist?

Again, in a simple biological model, the head of the family must go hunting every day or plow the land. Then he survives, his family survives. Therefore, the main male path, spiritual development is connected just the same with business. This is the first priority.

And the second priority is a woman. Because a man needs to get rid of the fruits of his work, how to say it. If a man does not have a loving woman, then complete nonsense begins in his life. For example, he begins to reinvest the fruits of his labor. So do many businessmen who have a mess with relationships. That is, he did one business, received a lot of money. Where to put them? We need to invest in our next business. Invest in the next one. And now where to put them? After all, if a man is successful, he created one business, he will do two, and ten. I thought of getting rid of the attendants, but there were twice as many of them. It is necessary to do the third business! He will be bent like that, he will live all his life in these businesses, and then at the age of 70 he will find that everything has passed by. There was success, but there was no happiness, and there isn’t, he built his entire career, he did something else.

Therefore, every man should ideally have a woman who would blow his money down the drain.

- Right into the wind?

- Yes exactly. Women spend money down the drain, it's obvious. But first, a man needs to earn. And this has always been indicated in traditional cultures. Unfortunately, in the modern world, most of the traditional practices have been lost. But in some places such cultures still remain. For example, in the East, such a phenomenon as kalym is still preserved. And rightly so, I tell you. This is very correct. Because if you can't pay 40 sheep, you can't trust a woman.

- And if a woman does not want you to pay 40 rams for her?

- And they have no such concept that a woman does not want. It's a different upbringing. And the man is also sure: if he paid 40 rams, he knows for sure that the woman wants him, and the children, and the kitchen. I saw it all with my own eyes.

- And the man, perhaps, enjoys the fact that the woman lowers his money?

- Of course, it's obvious. The ideal family is a family in which the woman does not know where the money comes from, and the man does not know where it goes. In terms of money, this is an excellent example of a couple. A woman always has a lot of wonderful ways to spend money.

A man, on the other hand, does not know how to spend cash just like that, he always thinks, thinks about how best to invest. Strives to ensure that there is always a return on invested capital. A woman spends easily. I bought a ring for 9 thousand dollars, for example. And this is still a small one, it is necessary for 25, so that there is a bigger diamond. Once - and 25 thousand are gone, they flew into the wind.

Money in this case is the continuation and embodiment of male love. Gifts, flowers, houses, cars, coats and specifically cash. If a man loves, then he gives all this to a woman.

- And why else does a man need a woman, except to spend money?

- In general, a woman for a man is one of the best sources of investment. Provided, of course, that this is a real woman. He puts something into her all the time, and she always gets something. Once he invested something, the children turned out, another time he invested, the house turned out. On a material level, this is important.

At the social level - the status, they say, I have a woman, and the best and most beautiful. In addition, it gives a sense of a reliable rear.

But what about on a spiritual level? This is also very important. On a spiritual level, a woman helps a man in one very important matter - in search of truth. Men are always looking for the truth, everything is itching for them. Is that why there are so many men in science, among Nobel Prize winners, for example? Because they have this feature: they want to know how the world works, they want to find the truth. Scientists, religious figures, even politicians, in some way want to know how this world works in order to command them. This is fundamentally important for a man - the truth. And most importantly, the truth about yourself. Find out who I am in this world. And it is a woman who can tell. It says directly in words who you are. Goat, for example. And if you're lucky, he says: "You are my hero." And that's it, the man immediately enlightenment comes. Only a real woman can give a man the true image he is looking for. And to give it exactly in the vein in which he needs it: I am a hero, I am a winner, I am the best in this world, because such a woman loves me, and she tells me about it.

“Still, a lot has changed. Previously, gentlemen got up when a lady entered the room, but now it is not customary to give a girl a seat on public transport.

“The fact is that the classes have shifted a lot. Who were real men in Rus'? Mostly officers, nobles. Like Tsvetaeva: “with one fierce will you took the heart and the rock” ... And they behaved accordingly. But they were really men!

And then in Rus' almost all the men were destroyed. For about a hundred years there was a total genocide of the male population. See. The First World War, then the October Revolution and the Civil War - the destruction of the entire color of the White Guard, the nobility. Those who were not killed were expelled from the territory of Russia. But these were the best men not only in Russia - in the world in general! Further. Dekulakization - the destruction of men in the village. Those who really could do something, create a product, keep a household. Then, through Stalin's purges, they destroyed the red commanders, the thinking intelligentsia, and in general all capable people. The Patriotic War is finishing off all the rest who were heroes and went to defend their homeland.

As a result, our women were left with no one. Well, if there was one man in the village after the war. Women are used to having to do everything themselves. It's like in the post-war proverb: "I am a horse, I am a bull, I am both a woman and a man." After that, the next generations are brought up in a distorted field: boys - in an infantile female key (there are no men around), and girls - like draft horses. And then this script is passed down from generation to generation. And he is still active. Our women strive to be independent. I recently read this on Facebook. How to find a real Russian woman? Three step method. Set fire to the hut, disperse the horse, wait. [Laughs - approx. Onliner.by.]

The Russian woman still strives to grab everything herself. "Can I bring you bags?" "No, no, I'm on my own." And it's okay that the man left, she will earn money herself, she will raise the children herself. And she thinks she should be applauded for it. Before, yes, when there was no other choice, it was heroism. And now the situation is different, there are a lot of men. And here it is necessary not to applaud, but to throw tomatoes at her for ruining the lives of children, because these boys, brought up without a father, do not know what a real man should be, and girls do not know how to deal with the opposite sex. Vicious circle. She should not applaud, but say: “Listen, you, sick, get rid of your idiotic scenario, attract a normal man into your life. You don't need to work three jobs and raise children. Learn to be a woman, learn to submit, obey, idolize a man, admire him, and everything will be all right with you.

- That is, a woman does not need to build a career at all, but should only be engaged in borscht?

- A woman can not build a career. This is not a woman's way of life. And women can't work. The female body is simply not designed for stress. Well, let's see. Let's take this box that you have in the editorial office, and walk 20 times with it along the corridor. First me, then you. See what will happen.

Well, the female body is not designed for workloads. A real lady should not work, she should have an occupation, and a favorite one. If it will bring her a good profit, I will only be for it. [Laughs - approx. Onliner.by.] But if it is not profitable, it does not matter. A woman should not earn!

I'm not talking about the fact that a woman cannot receive money or other dividends - fame, respect, recognition - at the expense of social merit. Please, for God's sake, let him do whatever he wants. The main thing is that it does not become a job for her. Because only men really know how to work and can. And women are not made for this. Their body and psyche are imprisoned for a completely different occupation. First of all, it is borscht, you rightly said. Just don't be so skeptical about it. Borscht is a great thing. But here you need to look wider. Not only borscht. It's like saying that a man is designed only under the hammer. Only narrow-minded cynics say so, both from the side of men and from the side of women. Everyone has their own greatest role in this world. Borscht and a hammer are only the tools of this greatest role. The most important functions of a woman, which includes borscht, are femininity and motherhood in the broadest sense. First you have to be a woman, and then, if she is able to attract and keep a man, start a family, it will come to motherhood. And if she is bad as a woman, then she will not become a good mother. And femininity is, first of all, beauty, the one that will save the world. In other words, a woman has two main functions: beauty and care, femininity and motherhood. By the way, they can also build some kind of business. Women are best suited for careers that are related to these areas. For example, the modeling business. Or a restaurant, all sorts of clubs - where you need to take care of customers. And when women start managing factories... For this, I would say what you need to have, but I won’t be with you. The woman doesn't have it.

If you liked this material, then we offer you a selection of the best materials on our site according to our readers. You can find a selection of TOP materials about a new person, a new economy, a look at the future and education where it is most convenient for you

This question is procrastinated in many families where financial support does not come from a man and he, with folded hands, lies on the couch for days. And he doesn’t even lift a finger to change the existing pun in the family, thereby accepting the role of a decent family man who is able to earn money. In such families, the wife pulls not only the household, but also, as a rule, works two or three jobs. Thus, completely forgetting about yourself. The situation, of course, is not at all easy, because such a turn of events is far from being possible for every woman. Many simply lose heart, not seeing a way out of this situation. And because of this, family life is shrouded in a veil of constant quarrels and scandals. But is this the lot of normal relationships? Live in the constant feeling that you are all alone. Do not feel male support and thus spin like a squirrel in a wheel, squeezing the last juice out of yourself, completely forgetting that you are a woman. At the same time, everyone falls asleep and wakes up with an obsessive problem about what to do if a man does not support a family? And how long can this go on?

In such an unusual situation, it is still worth talking to a man and trying to explain to him in all possible and impossible ways his misunderstanding of family life and financial support for the family. Try to give as many examples from life as possible, for example, husbands of girlfriends who do not sit at home, but earn money. Inspire him that he is the head of the family and a lot depends on him. That you are already just tired both mentally and physically from all this and just want to change the situation, feeling that I will support and guardianship. But this is not unimportant for a woman at any age. If he does not heed your pleas and requests, to somehow change the situation, try to change something by the method of psychological pressure directly on him. Change your attitude by resorting to total disregard for it. After all, before that he was fed and clothed, had money directly earned by your labor and spent it on his needs. Stop it all - reduce his funding to a complete minimum. He wants a new thing, beer or cigarettes, put the question point-blank: “darling, did you earn everything for this?”. I sent it to the store for “sour cream and bread”, demand a report on the spent, while withdrawing, at the same time, all the change from the purchase made. Men, whatever one may say, it hurts and pushes them to think about their future existence. Show him not life, but real raspberries. Of course, it’s good if you don’t have children, otherwise the “black clouds of the family’s condition” have thickened much more over your head. But, of course, if you also have a child and more than one, then God himself ordered to change a lazy husband. There are no children - ask him a question: “what will we do if our family is replenished, how will we support the child and what will we live for?”. Already here he obviously can’t get away, and can’t get away from answering the question you posed.

If he is a complete homebody, not a sociable person and does not know how to establish contacts with people at all, do it all for him yourself. Look for a job for him, through ads, ask around with friends and, as a result, bring it under your nose on a “silver platter with a pink border.” Turns away from your proposal, no matter how rude it may sound and how difficult it is for you, give him an ultimatum. After all, as you know, he who seeks always finds. Give him a certain time to look for work, after which, let him know that you will take drastic measures and completely change everything. If he loves you and cherishes his family at least a few percent, I think the result will not be long in coming. Just give it a good and hard acceleration with immediate acceleration.

But it is directly worth being prepared for the fact that he simply refuses to compromise. And if you do not want to see him as a housewife, you will have to resort to extreme measures - this is the rupture of your marriage. Because if a man is “deaf and blind”, and does not understand the complexity of the situation at all, not even for a minute trying to understand you as a woman, words and further persuasion will simply not be appropriate here. You can sit and wait for a miracle for years without seeing the result on your face. By the way, the fact that he will still move from his place is not ruled out, if only, only, so that you would not saw him day after day and settle down somewhere for a short time. And after a while he will simply return to his original position (sofa), arguing that he simply does not like this work and it does not allow him to reveal himself as a person. So here you have to do three initial results. Continue to put pressure on him, thereby shaking your nerves and ruining your life. In the second case, put on his shoulders the entire household, including cooking. He doesn’t know how - there is more than enough free time, buy a set of cookbooks and let him study. Watch with time and you will become proud of his cooking abilities.

And finally, in the last case, just find another man. Why do you need someone like this - lazy and couch potato. The husband should provide for the family, and not vice versa. And so this is only the name "man" - and nothing more. Just answer the counter question: "Do you know who the gigolo is?". She answered, and now, as a conclusion for yourself, note that your missus falls under this designation. Let this instantly give the correct answer to the second question: “What if a man does not support a family?!”. You simply do not have to put up with it and continue to fight like a fish on ice, trying to provide for your family and at the same time support your negligent husband.

The financial situation of your family is not at all what you would like it to be? Is your spouse unwilling to make amends and not even trying to find a job? It is by nature that a man should be the breadwinner in the family, but in our time, women are increasingly earning both for themselves and for their partner, fully providing for their loved ones. How to convince a spouse that the care of money should lie on his shoulders? Experts answer these questions.

Why does the spouse sit at home and do nothing?

Do not try to force your partner to come to work by using threats or reproaches. First you need to figure out the reasons why your chosen one is sitting at home. What they are, you will have to find out on your own, because not every man understands what prevents him from finding a worthy position. If you try to talk to your spouse about why he refuses a part-time job, you will most likely hear many implausible stories. A man will announce that he is not appreciated, and all the work that catches his eye is boring and inappropriate.

Have you married a man who has the traits of a misanthrope? He stays at home not because of his laziness. After watching your spouse, you will very soon see that he does not want to go to work because there the man will need to contact those around him, whom misanthropes despise.

Your husband understands that he will have to communicate regularly with the team. But he is not ready to talk with unfamiliar people, defend his point of view and work on projects in a team.

It is very difficult for a person who is not accustomed to interacting with a team to make new friends and acquaintances. Due to the fact that others refuse to understand the misanthrope, he tries to avoid being in busy places for a long time. Such people often cannot stand the stress in the workplace and write a letter of resignation without telling anyone about the reason for leaving. If you understand that it is almost impossible to persuade your husband even to write a resume, you still should not despair. Husband refuses to work for more than a year? Ask him to freelance. Performing duties at home and without annoying people around, the partner will feel much better.

How to deal with a sensitive romantic melancholic?

A vulnerable person takes his own failures very hard. Melancholic people leave their jobs because of their mistakes and for a long time cannot force themselves to find a new position, fearful of repeating the same situation. A sensitive person may even turn to a psychologist. But the wife will also help to believe in herself if she shows patience and perseverance.

First of all, you need to raise the self-esteem of the chosen one by convincing the husband that it was not his fault in what was happening. No need to switch to screaming, this will only upset the melancholic more. Be patient, then your actions will help the man recover and believe in himself.

• Compliment your partner. Praise him for the little things. Your words will inspire a man to any actions, even those that previously caused fear.
• Try to avoid quarrels. In a difficult period, the spouse needs your support, not reproaches.
• Tell your husband more often how lucky you are with him. Be on the side of the chosen one, even if his decisions seem strange to you.

Your efforts will not go in vain. If you are patient and support any undertakings of your partner, he will soon get rid of those complexes that dragged him to the bottom.

Do not let your beloved close in on himself, and after a while he will feel that he is ready to try himself in a new position.

How to get a narcissist to support a family?

You got an attractive man who is full of selfishness? Narcissists think they are better than most, convincing others that they are capable of almost anything. But not just to find a job. A selfish person will consider any position not good enough. What should a wife do if the refrigerator is empty, and the chosen one only promises to get a job?

Behind the words about their own heroism lies a complete misunderstanding of how to perform work duties. Experts say that there are several ways to deal with pathological egoists, but if such techniques do not work with your spouse, it is better to leave him. Otherwise, you will have to keep the narcissist for the rest of your life without even hearing a word of gratitude in response.

• The egoist is not to be pitied. Take away from your spouse those benefits that he is used to using at someone else's expense. Let a man feel that the necessary things do not fall from the sky, but to get them, you have to work.
• Did the previous method not help? Tell your husband that your wages have been cut and that you will have to give up entertainment in order to have enough to live on. Such words will make the egoist think that he, too, can earn some money.
• Do not allocate funds for your spouse's meetings with friends or updating his wardrobe. Justify your actions with the same salary reduction.

Most likely, the narcissist will not be able to come to terms with the fact that he has to endure hardship. In this case, the husband will quickly find a job. But if your chosen one calmly reacts to the fact that instead of fruits you now eat instant noodles, think about whether you need such a spouse at all?

In our society, it is customary to think that when financial difficulties arise in the family, the man solves the problem. But in recent years, in many families, people have seen the opposite picture. The husband is in no hurry to cope with the difficulties, leaving his wife alone with them. If your partner behaves in this way, most likely, you have a slow man in front of you.

A slow man will weigh the pros and cons for a long time, wondering whether he can settle down in the team, whether he will earn the required amount, whether he will be able to find a suitable job. While the slow-witted will go through different options in his head, a more determined person will get a good position. If your husband is slow, you need to motivate him to look for work, otherwise you will not get the required amount by a certain date.

• The spouse found a profitable place, but is not sure that it is worth getting a job there? Tell us about the advantages of the organization. Mention a good salary, an understanding boss, or a shortcut to work.
• Do not forget to support the chosen one, because due to a long search, he may feel insecure in his abilities. Tell your spouse more often that a professional like him will not be left without a job.
• Let your husband dream, dream with him. Let the man imagine how many problems will be solved if he chooses a position that he is not sure about right now. Such thoughts motivate a slow person to change in life.

Do not pressure your partner, but continue to tell him about the benefits of the chosen work. Sooner or later, the chosen one will listen to your words and make the best decision for him.

If he has never worked and does not want to look for work: the story of a sissy

If your husband does not work, begging for money from his parents during times of financial hardship, you have married a sissy. Such a person does not know how to take responsibility, he is used to the fact that all difficult issues will be resolved by his mother.

Fixing a sissy is almost impossible. Often families with irresponsible husbands break up, girls cannot stand the lack of support and leave.

But if the partner is very dear to you, and you do not want to solve the problem radically, you can try to change the sissy. This is a very complicated process, but for a spouse who is accustomed to increased responsibility, manipulation will be much easier.

• Entrust your husband with a task for which he will be responsible, even if the chosen one is against it. Tell your spouse more often that the future of your family depends only on him.
• Do not arrange quarrels, they will nullify all progress, returning the situation to the starting point. It will be unpleasant for your partner to hear that all the problems in your couple are only due to the fact that he is used to turning to his parents for help.
• Explain that if the husband got a job, his life would be much better. The husband could afford a new car, and an expensive smartphone, and shrimp with salmon, for which a sissy would gladly exchange daily pasta.

If the tricks work, the man will understand that you and your children are really hard. Such thoughts quickly motivate the chosen one to look for work. But remember that the process of raising an adult personality in yourself can be difficult for a spouse.

30 million men in Russia drink every day. This fact allows us to make sure once again that many wives and children suffer, seeing the moral decline of an alcoholic. Living with an addicted man is not only useless, but also dangerous. Such a spouse will not even try to start looking for a job, and an alcoholic may well respond to his wife's requests with a fight. If your husband has already begun to dissolve his hands, leave immediately, because the cause of more than half of domestic murders is alcoholism. Is the situation not that serious? Then you can try to understand the behavior of the chosen one.

Did your partner start drinking after marriage? Try to understand why the man began to seek solace in alcohol. Maybe the problem is the fear of the unknown, the man's insecurity or his inability to communicate with others? If you find out the cause and eliminate it, helping your spouse believe in himself, he will give up the bad habit. But it is very difficult and long work. Not all wives are willing to sacrifice their future to bring an alcoholic back to life. Many simply leave the family. If you're willing to wait until your husband is completely free of addiction, there are a few things you can do.

• Do not throw tantrums, refrain from remarks and insults. This will make things worse. Most likely, the man will be upset and go to the bar to recharge his good mood. Think, maybe he became addicted to alcohol precisely because he was afraid of serious conversations with you? Be patient and kind. Support your partner, do not scold the man if he comes home drunk again.
• Tell close relatives about the problem. Let one of the relatives offer the spouse at least a temporary job. Such a turn of events will give an incentive to a man to get rid of a bad habit.
• Don't tell an alcoholic you feel sorry for him. Even if a spouse becomes addicted to alcohol after a difficult period in life, this should not be a reason for sympathy. Otherwise, the man will continue to drink alcohol, thinking that he received permission from you for such a lifestyle.

Addicts often don't realize they've lost control of their lives. Explain to your partner that his regular drinking is no longer the norm. Get the man to get treated.

If an alcoholic thinks about the difficult situation he is in, he has every chance of becoming a successful and healthy person.

Have you used different methods, but the man still does not want to support his family? Then these tips are for you.

1. Remember that in every family, husband and wife have their own roles. Do you want your partner to start taking responsibility for you and the kids? Stop playing the role of mother, solving the problems of the chosen one. A man must realize that it is time to look for a way out of difficult situations himself, because he has not been a baby for a long time.
2. Do not take responsibility for everything that happens in your family. While you are doing all the household chores, while earning money, it seems to your spouse that everything you do is very simple. Let the man feel that even such tasks as washing or ironing require some effort.
3. Check what kind of psycho type you got. Remember that different people need different approaches.
   • Your coaxing will not get the narcissist to find a job. Such a man will only pretend that he has listened and is trying to change something, he will not take active steps.
   • The skeptic will think long and hard about whether the job is right. If you see that the spouse cannot make a choice, help him, otherwise the reflections will drag on for many months.
   • Infantil will not be able to get a job just because he feels not old enough and ready for such an act, even if he is in his thirties. Does your husband have such a psychotype? Convince the chosen one that he has already grown up. Remind the infantile more often that the future of the family depends on him.
4. On the way to the goal, unexpected difficulties may arise. For example, your husband's parents may turn on you if you are trying to teach your sissy to be independent. This behavior is not surprising, because the mother and father are used to being the main ones in the life of their child. Do not listen to relatives, do as you see fit. After all, it depends on your actions whether your family will be able to get out of poverty.
5. If none of the methods helped, think, maybe a man has not loved you for a long time? Your spouse is aware that it is difficult for you to support a family and take care of children, but he does not even try to alleviate your situation by taking care of all financial issues. Maybe you are not so dear to him? Do you need a husband who treats you this way?

Pastor Vasily Filat, I am in a difficult situation, one might say very difficult. I am married and have two children. My husband seemed to be very nice and caring with us from the beginning, but over time he stopped caring about the family. He deceives in many ways and is indifferent to what is happening to us. Although he constantly says that he loves us and that we are dear to him. The problem is that it does not work, it earns something from some combinations. I am not working now because the child is small, but I am going to go to work soon. I know that as a person who claims to be a good Christian, he must be patient, even if his neighbors offend him. I tried to endure everything, not to be angry, but I can no longer, it seems to me that my soul will explode. And in anger (when no one was near me) I call him bad words, I speak badly about him. And even if no one hears me, I know that it is not good to do this. I don't know how to talk to him. Pray to God to convince him, but no results. Maybe some people will never change? Although I know that everything is possible for God. I think that now my children and I live only by the grace of God, He never left us in difficult situations. Brother Vasily, as a pastor, can you please give me some advice on how to speak or how to act? A very part of me is very sorry that I married him, but I know that it is not good to think badly about marriage. I pray to God to forgive my sins and guide me to the path of truth.

I'm sorry you're in this situation right now. I advise you to do the following:

1. Don't get angry

As you yourself have already written and understood, anger does not help, but on the contrary, it only destroys and aggravates the situation in your family. In the book of Solomon's Proverbs it says:

A quick-tempered person stirs up strife, but a patient one calms strife. (Proverbs 15:18)

So, stop being angry and...

2. Don't swear

Avoid quarrels with your husband and do not talk to him in such a way that your conversation ends in a fight. This does not mean that you should not talk to him at all.

3. Make a plan and talk to your husband

Think carefully about every word. I especially advise you to start a conversation with gratitude towards him and be sure to say how good it was when you got married and he had a job and took care of the family. Let him say why this situation has arisen, what are the reasons, how he sees this situation and what you can do for him to help him.

4. Pray and fast

If possible, set a time with your husband to pray and fast for the situation, and be patient while God provides the appropriate work.

5. If the husband does not receive anything and he is satisfied with his condition ...

Then you must turn to your pastor or priest. You should invite him to your family, tell him your situation and listen to what he advises.

May God bless you and help you through this crisis, give your husband a good job so that he can support his family, because the Word of God says:

If someone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has renounced the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)

Translation: Moses Natalia