About intimate relationships in an Orthodox family. The Role of a Wife in an Orthodox Family How an Orthodox Treat Her Husband

Report of the Archbishop of Tobolsk and Tyumen Dimitri at the section of the same name of the XIV International Christmas Educational Readings

Dear Fathers, Brothers and Sisters!

Now love is often mistaken for love, and this spiritual (not spiritual) feeling is by no means enough for a true family life. Falling in love can accompany love (however, not necessarily) - but it passes too easily; and then what? “At every step, we have cases when people get married because they “fell in love” with one another, but how often such marriages are fragile! Often such love is called “physiological”. When the “physiological love” subsides, people who in marriage, either violate fidelity, maintaining external marital relations, or get divorced" (1).

How does the Church view marriage?

The Church sees in marriage the secret of love - love not only human, but also divine.

“Marriage is a sacrament of love,” says St. John Chrysostom, and explains that marriage is a sacrament because it exceeds the boundaries of our mind, for in it two become one. Blessed Augustine also calls marriage love a sacrament (sacramentum). The grace-filled character of marital love is inextricably linked with this, for the Lord is present where people are united by mutual love (Matt. 18:20).

The liturgical books of the Orthodox Church also speak of marriage as a union of love. “Oh hedgehog send them love more perfect, more peaceful,” we read in the aftermath of the betrothal. In the course of the wedding, the Church prays for the gift of “love for each other” to the newlyweds.

In itself, marital love in relation to spouses to each other is mysterious and has a shade of adoration. “Marital love is the strongest type of love. Other impulses are also strong, but this impulse has such a strength that it never weakens. And in the next century, faithful spouses will fearlessly meet and will abide forever with Christ and with each other in great joy,” writes Chrysostom. In addition to this side of marital love, there is another equally important one in it.

“Christian marital love is not only joy, but also a feat, and has nothing in common with that “free love”, which, according to the widespread frivolous view, should replace the supposedly outdated institution of marriage. In love, we not only receive another, but also give ourselves entirely, and without the complete death of personal egoism, there can be no resurrection for a new exalted life ... Christianity recognizes only love that is ready for unlimited sacrifices, only love that is ready to lay down its soul for a brother for a friend (John 15:13; 1 John 3:16, etc.), for only through such love does an individual rise to the mystical life of the Holy Trinity and the Church. This is how marital love should be. Christianity knows no other marital love than love like the love of Christ for His Church, Who gave Himself for her (Eph. 5:25)” (2).

St. John Chrysostom in his inspired sermons teaches that a husband should not stop at any torment and even death, if this is necessary for the good of his wife. “I consider you more precious than my soul,” the husband says to his wife at Chrysostom.

“Perfect” marital love, requested in the rite of betrothal, is love ready for self-sacrifice, and the deep meaning lies in the fact that in Orthodox churches the church hymn “Holy Martyr” enters the wedding rite.

What is marriage for?

Marriage is not just a "way of arranging" earthly existence, it is not a "utilitarian" means for procreation - although it includes these aspects as well. First of all, marriage is the mystery of the appearance of the Kingdom of God in this world. “When the holy Apostle Paul calls marriage a “mystery” (or “sacrament”, which sounds the same in Greek), he means that in marriage a person not only satisfies the needs of his earthly, worldly existence, but also takes a step towards to the purpose for which he was created, that is, he enters into the kingdom of eternal life. Calling marriage a "sacrament," the Apostle asserts that marriage is preserved in the kingdom of eternity. The husband becomes one being, one "flesh" with his wife, just as the Son of God ceased to be only God, became also a man so that His people could become His Body. This is why the gospel narrative so often compares the Kingdom of God to a wedding feast. (3)

Marriage is established already in paradise, established directly by God Himself. The main source of church teaching on marriage - the Bible - does not say that the institution of marriage arose sometime later as a state or church institution. Neither the Church nor the state is the source of marriage. On the contrary, marriage is the source of both Church and State. Marriage precedes all social and religious organizations. (4)

The first marriage was concluded by "God's grace." In the first marriage, the husband and wife are the bearers of the highest earthly power, they are sovereigns to whom the rest of the world is subject (Gen. 1, 28). The family is the first form of the Church, it is the "small church", as Chrysostom calls it, and at the same time the source of the state as an organization of power, since, according to the Bible, the basis of any power of a person over a person is in the words of God about the power of a husband over wife: he will rule over you (Genesis 3:16). Thus, the family is not only a small church, but also a small state. Therefore, the attitude of the Church towards marriage had the character of recognition. This idea is well expressed in the gospel narrative of marriage in Cana of Galilee (John 2:1-11). She saw the sacrament of marriage not in the wedding ceremony, but in the very union of husband and wife into one single being through consent and love. Therefore, the holy fathers often call the mutual love of spouses a sacrament (for example, Chrysostom), the indestructibility of marriage (for example, Ambrose of Milan, Blessed Augustine), but they never call the wedding itself a sacrament. Attaching the main importance to the subjective factor of marriage - consent, they make another, objective factor - the form of marriage - dependent on the first, on the will of the parties and give the parties themselves freedom in choosing the form of marriage, advising the church form, if there are no obstacles for it. In other words, during the first nine centuries of its history, the Church recognized the optionality of the marriage form (5).

How does the Church view marriage? Man is not a purely spiritual being, man is not an angel. We consist not only of the soul, but also of the body, matter; and this material element of our being is not something accidental that can be discarded. God created man with soul and body, that is, both spiritual and material, it is this combination of spirit, soul and body that is called man in the Bible and in the Gospel. "The intimacy of husband and wife is part of the human nature created by God, God's plan for human life.

That is why such communication cannot be carried out by chance, with anyone, for the sake of one's own pleasure or passion, but must always be associated with complete surrender of oneself and complete fidelity to another, only then does it become a source of spiritual satisfaction and joy for those who love "(6)" Neither a man or a woman cannot be used simply as partners for pleasure, even if they themselves agree to it ... When Jesus Christ says: "everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matt. 5:28), He forbids us even in our thoughts to perceive another person as an object of pleasure. Nothing is unclean in itself, but everything, without exception, can become so through misuse. The same thing can happen and, alas, very often happens with the highest Divine gift to man - with love. And in place of holy conjugal love, which naturally includes carnal relationships, a dirty passion, a thirst for possession, can stand. But in no case should an equal sign be placed between them ”(7).

It is very important to remember that marriage is a long and complex spiritual path, in which there is a place for one's chastity, one's abstinence. Where intimate life occupies too much space, the family is in danger of falling into passion, and the task of the family, as an integral life, remains unresolved ... As soon as spiritual ties are empty in the family, it inevitably becomes a simple sexual cohabitation, sometimes descending to real fornication. which has taken a legal form.

It was said above that procreation is not the sole purpose of Marriage. But Marriage certainly includes (at least potentially) this side as well. And how it flourishes, how it is transformed in the light of the truly Christian teaching on matrimony! The birth of children and caring for them in the family are the natural fruit of the love of a husband and wife, the greatest guarantee of their union. Husband and wife should think of their intimate relationship not only as their own satisfaction or the fulfillment of the fullness of the life of the individual, but also as participation in the bringing into being of a new being, a new personality, destined to live forever.

Intimate relationships are not limited to the birth of children, they exist no less for unity in love, for mutual enrichment and joy of spouses. But with all the lofty significance that Christianity recognizes as carnal union, the Church has always unconditionally rejected all attempts to "deify" it. Our time is characterized by attempts to free carnal extramarital union from associations with sin, guilt and shame. All the champions of this "emancipation" do not understand, do not see that moment, which, perhaps, is central in the Christian vision of the world. "According to the Christian worldview, human nature, despite the fact that it is ontologically good, is a fallen nature, and not partially fallen, not in such a way that some of the properties of a person remained untouched and pure, but in its entirety ... Love and lust - hopelessly mixed up, and it is impossible to separate and isolate one from the other ... It is for this reason that the Church condemns as truly demonic those ideas and trends that - in various combinations with each other - call for sexual liberation" (8).

But is man, in his present, fallen state, capable of true, perfect love?

Christianity is not only a commandment, but a revelation and a gift of love.

In order for the love of a man and a woman to be as perfect as God created it, it must be unique, indissoluble, endless and divine. The Lord not only gave this institution, but also gives the power to carry it out in the Sacrament of Christian marriage in the Church. In it, man and woman are given the opportunity to become one spirit and one flesh.

High is the teaching of Christ about true Marriage! Involuntarily you ask: is it possible in real life? "His disciples say to him: if such is the duty of a man to his wife (i.e., if the ideal of marriage is so high), then it is better not to marry. He said to them: not everyone can accommodate this word, but to whom it is given"

(Matthew 19:10-11). Christ, as it were, says: “Yes, the ideal of marriage is high, the duties of a husband to his wife are difficult; not everyone can do this ideal, not everyone can accommodate My word (teaching) about marriage, but to whom it is given, with the help of God, this ideal is nevertheless achieved” . "Better not get married!" This is, as it were, an involuntary exclamation of the disciples, before whom the duties of a husband to his wife were inscribed. Before the greatness of the task - to transform the sinful nature - a weak person trembles equally, whether he enters into marriage, whether he takes the veil as a monk. Unity in Divine love, which constitutes the Kingdom of God, is given rudimentarily on earth and must be nurtured by achievement. For love is both joy, and tenderness, and rejoicing over one another, but love is also a feat: "Bear each other's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2).

1. Prot. V. Zenkovsky. On the threshold of maturity M., 1991. pp. 31-32.

2. S.V. Troitsky. Christian philosophy of marriage. Paris, 1932. P.98.

3. Prot. John Meyendorff. Marriage and the Eucharist. Klin: Christian Life Foundation. 2000. P.8.

4. Prof. S.V. Troitsky. Christian philosophy of marriage. Paris, 1932. P.106.

5. Ibid., p. 138-139.

6. Prot. Thomas Hopko. Fundamentals of Orthodoxy. New York, 1987. p.318.

7. Ibid., p. 320.

8. Prot. Alexander Shmeman. Water and Spirit. M., 1993.S.176.

God Himself created the family, while the wife was made from Adam's rib. At the very beginning of the Bible it is said that God created a single whole from a man and a woman. (Genesis 1:27)

Some Christians argue that the purpose of God's creation of a single whole was the birth of children, but the Holy Scripture says that the Almighty gave Adam a helper so as not to be lonely. (Genesis 2:18)

The Orthodox Church considers a married couple as a part of Her, created to demonstrate God's love to the world. Bound on earth through the Sacrament of the wedding continues its journey in Heaven, because the spouses are one, while the obligations of the wife to her husband in Orthodoxy are clearly defined and vice versa.

Orthodox family

God's family is a union of love and fidelity

An Orthodox couple has a special blessing from higher powers for their entire life together, protection and anointing for well-being, the birth and upbringing of children after the sacrament of marriage - wedding. The husband has special responsibilities in the Orthodox family, which is built on the principle of Jesus - husband - wife.

If one of the spouses violates this order, the blessing disappears. By God's command, husband and wife are endowed with mutual duties, the basis for which is the second commandment of Christ (Matthew 22:39):

• love one another with God's love;
• be faithful to each other;
• mutual respect;
• honoring parents on both sides, as the basis for procreation;

The modern world practically denies the institution of not only church, but also official marriage, not understanding that at the same time cohabitants, they are not a family, live in fornication, which means they sin, there is no God’s protection for them.

God is love, and the Orthodox Church stands on this foundation, so Christians who have realized the sinfulness of their lives can legalize their marriage before the Lord at any time.

The sacrament of marriage can be completely over a couple, both members of which are baptized in Orthodoxy and have undergone some preparation before the wedding.

Important! It is never too late to stand on a wedding scarf and be churched in God's temple. Only after the wedding there is a small Christian church, one flesh before the eyes of the Creator. (Matthew 19:6)

Both husband and wife have equal rights, they are life partners.

To become one, young spouses must "cut the umbilical cords" with the older generation. Respect, honor parents is a sacred thing, but you can’t allow anyone to lead and lead, except for the newlyweds themselves.

Church marriage is indestructible if the couple lives according to the commandments of God. Only sin, especially fornication and adultery, can suddenly break the covenant given at the altar.

Marriage

The Church is very strict about remarriage, because no one has canceled the prohibition of Jesus. (Matthew 9:9) Previously, it was believed that only a blood relationship that the couple did not know about before, infertility for 7 years or the death of one of the spouses can cause a divorce.

Today, the canons have softened a bit. The official document of our Church, which is called "The Foundations of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church," sets out a whole list of reasons why a marriage can be dissolved. But one must always remember that for an Orthodox person it is always better to preserve the existing family. And only if all the methods have been tried and have not brought results, we can talk about divorce.

Family life is not built on the feeling of "butterflies in the stomach", it's a hard way. A union based on the blessing of the Church and true love (1 Corinthians 13:4-9) will last decades.

The Hymn of Love, written down by the Apostle Paul, when all his points are fulfilled, will help a married couple in Orthodoxy go through all the pitfalls of the marital path.

The husband is the head of the family

In prosperous families, a man is clearly aware of his role in the family. If the husband is the head of the family, as Jesus is the head of the Church, then the man will value, respect and take care of his soul mate, providing her with everything necessary (1 Corinthians 11:1-3).

The Creator has prepared a message for each person. The husband reads and does what is written for him, and Jesus commanded him to love his wife, as Christ loves the Church, but it is written about humility for the second half.

In his epistle, the apostle Peter (1 Peter 3:1-7) clearly outlined the commands for married couples. The attitude of a husband to his wife in Orthodoxy implies:

• equality in the ownership of property;
• prudent attitude towards your soul mate in all matters of life;
• maintaining the authority of a woman;
• protecting its interests and maintaining a good reputation.

The Bible calls a woman in Orthodoxy the weakest vessel. Imagine a man, in whose strong, courageous hands God has put the thinnest, exquisite vase of crystal, this is a wife, mother of children, beloved. The slightest awkward movement, a blow, a strong squeeze, and instead of the miracle of the Creator's creation - millions of fragments.

Interpreting the words of the Bible in their favor that a woman must submit to a man, and she has no power over the body, some husbands turn their soul mate into slaves without a voice and the right to think for themselves.

The woman is the guardian of the hearth. She is a light, gentle and warm, guarding which you can always live in peace and comfort.

The status of the head in the family is to be a likeness of Jesus Christ, and not a slave owner. An equal partner in the family is a spouse, she should have her own comfort zone, personal opinion and, of course, free time for herself. People say that the beloved woman is happy, and happy is always beautiful.

Relationship between husband and wife

A good owner has the most beautiful girlfriend of life, given by God, his half, the queen, who has an equal share in the reign of the family.

Important! The head of the family, like Jesus of the Church, must give his mistress all the rights to resolve women's issues, supporting her principles and rules.

It is not good for a king and a priest at home to bring gossip home, to sow discord and to petty faults for any error.

The litmus test, the test for a man's relationship to his soul mate, is Jesus and the Church.

Can a true Christian imagine an abandoned Church with children, not provided for by her Bridegroom, who can cheat on Her?

A house that is subordinated to the laws of Christianity and filled with spiritual life, an example of which is the head of the family, will always be under the protection of God.

Faithful wife - the keeper of the hearth

The role of women in the family cannot be overestimated. The whole Bible is saturated with examples of the life of the progenitors of the human race, who, one way or another, influenced the historical development of mankind.

Many holy women left an example of humility, fidelity, courage and obedience in the history of mankind.

Great trust in God, humility, respect for a husband work wonders.

• An Orthodox wife treats her husband as a priest of her house, but she does not stoop to the role of a cleaner, cook, slave and housekeeper.
• An Orthodox Christian woman is a housebuilder, a keeper of the hearth, a guardian of the family.
• God created Eve from Adam's rib, not from an arm or a leg, not from a head, but from a bone that is under the heart.
• A good housewife, who is under the care and protection of the head of the family, has a full house.
• It is difficult to imagine God's Bride - the Church untidy or hungry, so the mother, the wife should take care of the house.
• God gave the command to the wife to reproach her husband (Eph. 6:1-4), and to the husband to love his soul mate. Each family member has his own message from the Creator, the fulfillment of which guarantees a happy family life.
• Many women try to manipulate their bodies, violating the commandment of Jehovah in Heaven (1 Cor. 7: 3-5), which says that a wife has no power to refuse her husband, her body is in the power of her husband. Only fasting and prayer, and this is more than 200 days a year, can be the reason for avoiding marital relations.
• Even King Solomon wrote in Proverbs that a wise woman builds a house, and a quarrelsome one destroys it.
• Women should adorn themselves not only outwardly, the beauty of an Orthodox Christian woman is in humility, peacefulness, prudence and respect for her husband.
• An Orthodox wife will never allow herself to "take dirty linen out of the hut." All questions, disagreements, even strife are resolved not by shouting and reproaches, but by prayer and the advice of spiritual mentors.

Family Prayers:

The beauty of a Christian woman is hidden in her heart, filled with mercy, fear of God, open to helping people and serving the Creator.

Worshiping mammon in the form of gold and jewels will not make a woman more beautiful, but only filling with the Fruits of the Holy Spirit will transform the mistress of the house into the queen of her master.

The ability to respond with meekness to rudeness, obedience to exactingness are the main indicators of a true Christian.

It is the mother who is an example of obedience for children, and the father is a loving master. Knowing the power of Christian obedience, God gives women special favor, calling them saints, queens.

The Almighty Creator calls on women to reproach their husbands not out of fear, but out of love for God's commandments. In families filled with God's knowledge, humility and fidelity, humility and patience, care and love reign, which are the key to raising children as true Christians.

The biggest mistake of a negligent wife, even if she has reached high positions in politics, business, is the humiliation of a man, especially in front of children or other people.

During the wedding, the spouses make a vow to live together and carry their love in wealth and poverty, health and disease.

The ability to please one for the other, support each other, curb your tongue, especially for the fairer sex, will be rewarded a hundredfold in years when the whiskey turns gray.

Advice! A wise wife will never go to bed in anger, the Almighty gave Christians a powerful tool - a prayer that can extinguish any contention in the hearts if Jesus lives there.

Video about the relationship between husband and wife in an Orthodox family

Probably, nothing has been written about as much as about the relationship between. And in the Orthodox context, too. And maybe - especially in the Orthodox context.

It seems to me that there are some nuances in the Orthodox relationship between men and women that are not quite correctly understood by both sides. Therefore, some often blame others (some out loud, some mentally). I constantly come across publications by Orthodox authors who somewhat aggressively assert male dominance. Let's just say that this is only partly true. Let's follow together through the Scriptures God's plan for a man and a woman.

So, for the first time we meet with the will of God about a man and a woman in (see: 1: 26-29), where God commands the human family to be fruitful and multiply and have dominion over the beasts. There is not even any mention of any hierarchy. Because in the beginning it speaks of creation human as a phenomenon, and then about the division of this phenomenon. As he writes: "In God's idea a person, one might say - a person as a citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven - there is no difference between husband and wife, but God, knowing in advance that a person will fall, arranged this distinction.

Eve is Adam's helper just as Adam is Eve's helper. Assistant - in the knowledge of God through the neighbor

In Genesis 2 we learn more about the creation of man: Adam was created first, Eve the second from Adam's rib, as a "helper like" Adam (cf. Gen. 2:20). Some tend to see a hierarchy in the fact that Eve is Adam's helper: since she is a helper, it means that Adam is in charge. However, in order to better understand this place, you need to ask the question: in what way did Adam need to be helped? Of course, in Genesis there are words that Adam had to cultivate Eden and keep it (see: Gen. 2:15), but it is naive to believe that Adam and Eve, according to God's plan, had to plow the earth. “What was missing in paradise? - St. John Chrysostom remarks in his interpretation of this fragment. “But even if a laborer was needed, then where did the plow come from?” Where do other farming tools come from? The work of God was to do and keep the commandment of God, to remain faithful to the commandment ... that if he touches (the forbidden tree), he will die, and if he does not touch, he will live. In this light, it becomes more clear what "assistant" means. As the theologians say, Adam did not see one thing in paradise - man. And in order to improve, he lacked, among other things, to peer into another image of God, go out from myself to look at the same creation of God. From this point of view, Eve is the same helper to Adam, just as Adam is the helper to Eve. Helper - in the knowledge of God through the neighbor.

When the Lord brought Eve to Adam, he said: “Behold, this is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she will be called woman, for she was taken from her husband. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cling to his wife; and [the two] shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:23-24). The creation of Eve from Adam's rib also points not to the subordinate state of Eve (this will be seen more clearly later), but to the identity of their nature. For Adam and Eve to be truly one flesh, for this the Lord uses not the earth to create Eve, as was the case with all animals and Adam, but a part of Adam's body.

For the third time, we become witnesses of God's relationship with the human family after the fall. After both Adam and Eve shift their guilt for transgression onto another, the Lord pronounces his righteous judgment. Here we need to carefully listen to the biblical text: the Lord “said to the woman: multiplying I will multiply your sorrow in your pregnancy; in sickness you will bear children; and your desire is for your husband, and he will rule over you. And he said to Adam: because you listened to the voice of your wife and ate from the tree, about which I commanded you, saying: do not eat from it, the ground is cursed for you; in sorrow you will eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles she will grow for you; and you will eat the grass of the field; in the sweat of your face you will eat bread until you return to the ground from which you were taken, for dust you are and to dust you shall return” (Genesis 3:16-19).

Note: God announces His verdict. Everything that is written in these verses is the judgment of God. That is, for a woman, punishment is both the grief of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth - then logic does not allow us to stop - and attraction to her husband, and her husband's domination over her. This new reading allows us to go back a little and understand that if the dominion of a husband over his wife is a punishment for the fall, then before the fall the husband did not rule over his wife, but they were quite rightful. As he says: “As if justifying himself before a woman, the philanthropic God says: in the beginning I created you equal in honor (to a husband) and I wanted you, being of the same (with him) dignity, to have communion with him in everything, and both to your husband and to you entrusted power over all creatures; but since you did not take advantage of equality as d O false, for this I submit you to your husband: and your attraction to your husband, and he will possess you ...

Since you did not know how to boss, then learn to be a good subordinate. It is better for you to be under his command and be under his control than, using freedom and power, to rush along the rapids.

Actually, in the New Testament, the apostle exhorts women to also submit to their husbands: “And you wives, submit to your husbands” (1 Pet. 3: 1). But here there is already another note, completely unthinkable for the Old Testament relationship: “Likewise, you husbands, treat your wives wisely, as with a weaker vessel, showing honor to them, as joint heirs of the grace of life” (1 Pet. 3: 7). Even a woman is not perceived quite the same as before, and the love of spouses is perceived more spiritually: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for her” (Eph. 5:25).

However, we see from the Gospel that these lofty relationships are not the limit that we must reach, not God's "plan" for man. We know perfection from the words of Christ, and it refers to the mystery of the future age: “For when they rise from the dead, then they will neither marry nor give in marriage, but they will be like angels in heaven” (Mark 12: 25). And the apostle says: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile; there is no slave nor free; there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28).

The inequality of men and women is God's punishment, penance, and any penance is temporary

So, we see that the equality of man and woman is violated by the fall, while inequality is part of the relations of this fallen world, and there is no true love in it. This is God's punishment, penance, and any penance is temporary and ends with permission from sin. In the Kingdom of God, where all sins are forgiven and forsaken, everyone abides like angels, differing from each other only in the grace and glory that the saints received for their deeds, and not at all by gender, title or other than earthly.

An analogy from ascetic creations also comes to mind. Probably everyone remembers how St. Abba Dorotheos talks about the fear of God. He says that every Christian should have it, but the new and perfect have it in a different capacity. The fear of the newcomer is the fear of the slave who is afraid of punishment. The fear of the average is the fear of the mercenary who is afraid of losing his wages. The fear of the perfect is the fear of the son, who is afraid of saddening the parent. In a sense, the woman in the Old Testament also renders obedience, like a slave. In the New, it is already more like free, having to receive a reward for it in eternity. And in the next age, it enters into the dignity of a daughter, as a man does a son, and renders true obedience only to the Father.

What follows from all these arguments? First of all, a warning to men. As a priest, I happened to see a lot of men who believe that obedience is a feature of female nature, therefore they try to impose obedience on their second half with words, and sometimes with deeds. I saw "Orthodox" bearded men who, for their willfulness, could even move their beautiful half in the teeth. It is clear that such people can no longer be brought to their senses - they just need to be excommunicated from Communion until their brains fall into place. My word is to sane people. No need to press women! It's not easy for them either. Who will be higher in Heaven - only God knows.

For disobedience, the grace of God departs from a woman. But men should also treat a woman like a crystal vessel.

Yes, women must show obedience, and, as the elder Paisios the Holy Mountaineer says, for disobedience, the grace of God departs from a woman. But in the same way, men should treat a woman as a crystal (“weaker,” as the apostle says) vessel. If a man can say that he Always treats his wife like that - well, such a husband has the right to seek obedience. But I think that any man, hand on heart, will not find in himself unshakable indulgence and patience, constant affection and responsiveness, which means that there is nothing to demand holiness from others. As they say, learn to observe akrivia in relation to yourself - and you will learn how to create economy in relation to others.

Another very important point of obedience (regardless of whoever it was): then obedience is true when it is carried out from the first word. So he says. If you have to repeat it a second and a third time, this is no longer related to the virtue of obedience. This is a demand, an urgent request, “sawing” - but not obedience. And this is so - among both monastics and laity, in relation to both children and adults. (This, of course, is not about if the person did not hear or understand.) Therefore, dear ones, if they do not listen to you the first time, then you need to think not about how to make a person obey, but about whether it is worth repeating the second times (now I'm talking only about adults).

Third. As already at the beginning of the article, we noticed that the punishment of a man is “to eat bread in the sweat of his brow”, that is, to earn. In our difficult earthly conditions, sometimes it happens that a woman has to work along with a man. (Let's leave aside idle talk about the fact that work ennobles.) It turns out that not only does a woman bear a purely feminine punishment - the severity of pregnancy, the birth of children and obedience to her husband, she also has to “wind time” for a man - work hard in sweat faces. It is clear that under the weight of double punishment, anyone can break. I'm not talking about the fact that severe male punishment is not at all on the shoulders of women. It is clear that a woman has her own works - and so it has been since time immemorial. It's not really about that right now. The point is that in a normal everyday situation, a woman should not work hard from eight in the morning until five in the evening. And from time immemorial, a woman has not been included all the time, say, in field work. When a woman was needed - to help with the harvest or on some other special occasions - of course, she got into line with the men, but outside of this emergency time, she had her own specific field of activity. This area is the creation and maintenance of a family hearth, which in a sense is embedded in the notorious "your attraction to your husband." This attraction also encourages a woman to make such a cozy nest out of the house, having come into which the husband especially acutely understands his family happiness.

Therefore, if there is no other way out in the family (I mean the woman's earnings), then a man should treat these conditions of existence, which are not specific for women, with maximum understanding. And if the yoke of earning money is thrown over both, then both, and not only the wife, should be thrown over the strap of household duties.

Fertility by itself does not save. And he saves when he leads a woman (and the whole family) to “faith and love in holiness”

And a few more words about the third factor in the family - children. Now there are a lot of some speculative statements about the meaning of having many children in life, based on the words of the Epistle of the Apostle Paul to Timothy, that a woman “will be saved through childbearing” (1 Tim. 2: 15). However, it is somehow forgotten that the main conditions of salvation run through the entire New Testament: the presence in a person of the spirit of love, humility, meekness, and so on. They forget what is said, separated by a comma after these words: “he will be saved through childbearing, if he continues in faith and love and holiness with chastity" (emphasis added by me. - O. S.B.). That is childbearing by itself does not save! This is not a ticket to the Kingdom of God. And it saves in the case when it naturally leads a woman (and the whole family) to "faith and love in holiness." Due to a misunderstanding of these words, some mothers with many children consider themselves almost half saved and despise the small and childless! It's amazing how Holy Scripture teaches us nothing! It is enough to recall the Old Testament examples of the righteous Abraham and Sarah, the 20-year childlessness of Isaac and Rebekah, Anna, the mother of the prophet Samuel, as well as the New Testament righteous Joachim and Anna, Zechariah and Elizabeth, to understand from what channel this Pharisaic condemnation stems. From church history we see that the Lord equally blesses those with few children, those with many children, and the completely childless. John Chrysostom was the only child in the family. Basil the Great is one of 9 children. And in the family of John of Kronstadt there were no children at all, because he and his wife took a vow of chastity. And his feat is higher than or involuntary childlessness, because to live side by side with a woman, with his wife, and at the same time to observe virginity and chastity - this is truly being in the furnace of Babylon! I think the monks will understand me.

Therefore, let us beware of condemnation, brethren. Let us beware of cruelty and unmercifulness. Let us beware of everything that is contrary to the spirit of Christ's love, and the Giver of this love Himself will be with us forever.

The universe is hierarchical; the relationship between God's intelligent creatures is also hierarchical. An adult is placed over a child, a priest over a layman, a Bishop over a priest, a husband over a wife, angels over people, Christ over everyone.

This thesis can cause both ardent approval and no less ardent indignation - and both are often associated with a misunderstanding of what is being said.

We, like all inhabitants of any developed countries, live in a world that insists on equality - that is, some hierarchies are, of course, inevitable, and in any corporation there are different levels of leadership, but they are (theoretically) situational - work well and you will take the place of the boss. This is a game that you can theoretically win.

The idea of ​​an organic, innate hierarchy built into the very nature of things causes indignation - and there are good reasons for this.

In a fallen world, hierarchy is a hierarchy of exploitation and oppression.

Superiors tend to treat inferiors extremely badly. The landowner could be a kind and fair person who showed sincere concern for the peasants. But this was usually not the case - inequality led to the most heinous abuses.

The strong tend to suppress and exploit the powerless, the rich tend to exploit the poor, and representatives of the dominant ethnic and social groups tend to those who are less fortunate in origin. At the same time, the oppressors willingly refer to the order established by God (in the secular version - by nature), as if suppression, exploitation, and disregard for the human dignity of others is something that has the highest origin and justification.

A common thread in Marxist attacks on religion is that religion is used to justify exploitation and injustice. The appeal of these attacks to many people is that they are partly true - religion can be used in this way. There are people who use it that way. There are people who use science in this way, and in general anything - such is the manifestation of original sin, a person uses everything that he can reach in order to oppress his neighbor.

It is easy to dismiss the endless bitterness and anger that is the main emotional background of feminism - they say that a poor woman has not met a worthy man, she has such personal problems - but this does not remove the very real problem.

The conversion of men - husbands, first of all - with women is marked by a grave sin. A sin that in the Orthodox environment seeks justification for itself in the fact that the Bible undoubtedly sees the family as a hierarchy - “the head of the wife is the husband” ().

And from a worldly point of view, the thesis "I am placed hierarchically as the head" is perceived as "I have a God-given right to suppress and exploit you."

Man happily seizes every opportunity to find an authoritative justification for his sins.

The Norwegian counselor Edin Lovas, in his wonderful book “People of Power: Love of Power and the Church”, considers this phenomenon using examples from the Protestant environment familiar to him:

“The issue of the relationship of spouses, as well as the issue of the position of women in the family and in the church, also continues to be debatable in many churches and gives rise to many debates.

A person of power easily orients himself in such discussions. After reading the Bible and praying for clarity on a current issue, he is usually in no hurry to speak about his own position.

However, he immediately takes the side of those who demand an extreme, maximum conceivable form of submission. This is what he does when issues of relationships between children and parents, husband and wife are being resolved, as well as when discussing the rules of relationships in the church, in a Christian group or society. At the same time, it is not difficult for him to choose the corresponding texts of the Bible that he needs. Then it remains only to use the right moment in the situation to assert their leadership. After all, the presentation and interpretation of the selected texts is not difficult: those interpretations are used that require extreme obedience.

In his own family, a man of authority opens the Bible - preferably a massive, large format - and reads from it those passages that tell about the absolute obedience to him in everything of his wife and children. The Word of God is quoted literally, severely, and mercilessly. The man of power leads the same line in the church.”

In our environment, the same problem received the ironic name of “young eldership”, the hierarchy even turned to the flock with a special one, see the Definition of the Holy Synod of December 28, 1998 “On the recent increase in cases of abuse by some pastors of the power entrusted to them from God to knit and solve ".

The Bible is indeed hierarchical—as the universe is hierarchical—but in a completely different sense. somewhere draws attention to the fact that the evangelical hierarchy is an inverted hierarchy.

As it says in the Gospel, “Jesus, having called them, said to them: You know that those who are revered as princes of the nations rule over them, and their nobles rule over them. But let it not be so among you: but whoever wants to be great among you, let us be your servant; and whoever wants to be first among you, let him be a slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.

Christ washes the feet of his disciples:

“You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you speak correctly, for I am exactly that. So, if I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, then you must also wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, so that you also do what I have done for you.

The power of the husband in the family, the domestic Church, like any power in the Church, is similar to the power of Christ. As the apostle says:

“Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But just as the Church obeys Christ, so do wives obey their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her.

Male dominance in the family is manifested in the fact that the husband imitates the One who alone is Dominus, the Lord. And it consists in washing your wife's feet and serving her to the point of life, and at the same time meekly and patiently endure her shortcomings. This is also true of other types of hierarchy—the relationship of the priest to the flock, for example.

It is difficult - but without the grace of God it is impossible. But "to be the head" in the biblical sense means just that.

The current trend towards equalization is wrong - but it is a reaction to the sin of oppression, oppression and exploitation, which often manifests itself even in the family.

You can’t object to feminism by trying to approve the domostroy - because feminism is wrong all around, but in what it is right - it is in the reaction to the domostroy.

To a situation where an absolutely unevangelical - and simply shameless - attitude towards a woman is declared something sacred.

Scripture, on the other hand, requires honoring wives—and warns that refusing to do so puts a barrier on your relationship with God.

“Also, you husbands, treat your wives wisely, as with a weaker vessel, showing them honor, as co-heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers are not hindered” ().

arch. V. Kharinov

One of the myths firmly rooted in modern secular society is the myth of the oppressed position of women in Orthodoxy. The influence of the expanded mass media propaganda of equality between the sexes and the popularization of feminism is so strong that it is often difficult for people, and especially women who have embarked on the path of churching, to get rid of it.

And often only the desire to live according to the Gospel commandments, communication with Orthodox people and an experienced spiritual mentor can dispel these doubts. We talk about the real role of a woman in Orthodoxy, what is the essence of women's church ministry, as well as about the Sacrament of Marriage and true love between a man and a woman, we talk with the rector of the temples of the icon of the Mother of God "Joy of All Who Sorrow" (St. Petersburg ) and the Assumption of the Mother of God (v. Lezier-Sologubovka) by Archpriest Vyacheslav Kharinov.

Father Vyacheslav, what, in your opinion, is the special role of women in the Church?

In order to talk about women's role in the Church, one must understand what determines the need for women's participation in church life. And for this, it is enough to remember that the Kingdom of God on earth, which, despite the presence of human weaknesses and infirmities in it, is on the whole a divine-human organism and each person, each member of this organism has its own place. Thus, the need for a woman to serve in the Church is objectively determined: there simply cannot be a uselessness of a woman here. As regards the special service of women to the Church, it naturally differs from that of men, just as our duties, habits, and structure in the world differ. The pinnacle of women's ministry in the Church is women's monasticism. At the same time, it cannot be said that the nun always exists in the background, bound by endless obediences, silent and downtrodden. On the contrary, the attitude towards the nuns within the Church is very touching, respectful and tender. Moreover, they, as well as the priests, are asked for blessings, and they also kiss their hand, which, of course, is an illustration of equality. In general, the aspect of equality between a man and a woman in Christianity very often remains underestimated. Those who claim that in Christianity a woman is a downtrodden being simply do not know history and have no idea what position a woman was in before Christianity, which actually revealed a woman, made her equal to a man. After all, the consciousness of ancient man in relation to women was exclusively consumer - as, in fact, the attitude that is being implanted now.
And today, without women teachers, without those who help clean the temple and stand in the candle shops, we simply would not have coped. Probably, only a woman with her special spiritual disposition, with her unique ability to be a mother for everyone, can do all this difficult work with love and zeal. What about choristers and choir directors? This is a kind of golden fund of the Church. The girls who come to churches from the regency department are not just musically literate and able to conduct professionals - they become the keepers of centuries-old traditions of faith and culture, they took a course in theological sciences and passed theological disciplines on a par with seminarians. Based on my own experience, I can say that if there is no competent precentor in the church, then the most talented priest will not be able to build a service with proper splendor and content. In general, a woman is, one might say, the face of the Church and at the same time a great blessing for the Church. But this blessing turns into a huge Evil if a woman does not have love, warmth and hospitality. Such women are capable of turning away from the Church even more than any theological errors in the preaching of the priest. Therefore, a woman has a very big responsibility, because, unfortunately, the clergy is often inaccessible for various reasons: people come to the temple, and the priest either attends rites, or deals with paperwork, or visits various instances .. And the woman remains in the temple. And if she suddenly does not turn out to be that very hospitable mother, if she is grumpy, swaggering or unfriendly, then very often this repels people.

You say that Christianity exalted woman, but why, then, in church literature, especially ancient, there are many negative statements about a woman as a “receptacle of sin and filth”?
Such characteristics of women are by no means a discriminatory moment, and they must be considered in the context of the time, in the context of the era. Here it is necessary, first of all, to understand to whom these statements are addressed. As a rule, their addressees were monastics and mostly young people. And we are talking about women of vulgar behavior, and not about pious Christians and loving Mothers. In order to understand this, it is enough to give a few examples: the mother of St. Augustine, Monica, did everything so that her son became what he became. The same can be said about Saints Mary and Basilissa, the mothers of St. Sergius of Radonezh and the pious Theodosius, who raised three (!) Saints - her nephews Amphilochius and Gregory of Nazianzus and the orphan Olympias ... The saints and for a long time postponed their service in the Church precisely because of filial love and the need to care for mothers. The same, being themselves of a holy life, raised holy sons! Let us remember Maria Vladimirskaya, Irina Muromskaya, Zoya Attaliyskaya, who shone with their husbands. Saints Mary of Bethany, Juliana of Ptolemaida, Eupraxia of Moscow were sisters of the holy brothers. Equal-to-the-Apostles Elena, Nina and Olga disposed to the adoption of Christianity very harsh and formidable rulers Constantine, Tiridates and Vladimir, which influenced the course of world history ...
As for women of vulgar behavior, here one must take into account the phenomenal feature of female nature, which lies in the fact that a woman, in a certain sense, is a more finely organized being than a man, and moral claims against a woman are obviously higher. It is through a woman that we join in love - our mothers are the first to teach us love, and the whole universe for us in infancy is the face of our mother. For this reason, any vulgarity of a woman is perceived much more painfully than the vulgarity of a man. If a woman drinks and loses control over herself, then the unnaturalness of her behavior is perceived much more sharply than it happens in a similar case with a man, and this happens because the image of a woman as a highly moral being is embedded in all of us. Thus, the most pious, the most outwardly beautiful woman, losing control of herself, becomes simply terrifying. Perhaps this is partly the result of the weakness and high emotional susceptibility of a woman, using which the demonic forces, who want to manipulate, first of all, the human soul, pounce on a woman as an easily accessible and at the same time the most moral and highly organized being. A woman is a tasty morsel for the forces of evil also because she has a very subtle god-likeness embedded in her - after all, the maternal instinct and the innate need to give life is nothing but the closest analogue of fatherhood, which is inseparable from God, as the Father who gives life to all of us. Thus, striking a woman, the forces of evil hit right at the root of life - in future children and descendants.

A woman is the personification of love, and earthly love in its highest manifestation can exist only in a marriage union. What is the meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage and why is bright, pure and ardent love considered sinful if it is not sanctified by the church?
The fact is that sympathy or affection, that is, love not in its highest form, is possible in ordinary life. But the form always corresponds to the content - you cannot pour a lot into a small vessel, and therefore the Sacrament of Marriage is an opportunity to make the form as large as possible. Those who try to pour marital relations into a small form of a non-existent marriage invariably fail, and this is simply explained: you must always be honest with God, with people and with each other, otherwise any business is doomed to failure. In marital relations outside of marriage, there is necessarily a moment of some kind of reluctance, conventionality and, as a result, formlessness, which, with a very high content of marital relations, invariably leads to stupidity and dissonance. In such relationships, each of the partners invariably "pulls the blanket over himself," while true conjugal love involves the sharing of all the gifts that a man and a woman can have.

And where does true love begin between a man and a woman, love leading to the celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage?
It begins with an attempt to establish a friendship. After all, it is friendship that characterizes the highest union of man and God. No wonder Abraham became a friend of God and the Lord spoke with Moses face to face, as if someone were talking to his friend (). And, turning to his disciples, Christ said: You are my friends if you do what I command you (). Similarly, for two people - it all starts with an attempt at friendly rapprochement. Outside of this, guided by naked calculation, fiery passion or anything else, true love cannot be found - the ghost of another seductive bait will always loom around the corner, leading a person further and further into the kingdom of sin. By the way, in this matter, as in most others, he opposes the world, since the world has always said and will continue to talk about the impossibility of friendship between a man and a woman. And the Church, on the contrary, calls for this friendship and speaks of it as the main condition for a happy marriage. Moreover, if these friendships are not established and developed, then the marriage will be either formal or unhappy.
In friendship between a man and a woman there is always an element of alliance and mutual assistance of Adam and Eve, because if people do not become friends, which means allies, co-workers and helpers to each other, then everything falls apart. At the same time, it is very important to correctly perceive and evaluate our difference, dissimilarity and dissimilarity. It must be understood that it is precisely due to this dissimilarity that the marriage union becomes a form of indestructible life. It is in this otherness that the guarantee of the survival of the family and the unsinkability of the family ship lies. And we must be able to see this difference, love it and, faced with a different logic, different approaches and a different point of view of a spouse, understand that this is the meaning of God's plan for us, the guarantee of our comprehensive protection. The problem of many modern families is that in a spouse people are trying to find their second “I”, to find some kind of tracing paper from themselves, and this is at least naive and leads to disastrous consequences, since God created us different.

Is it possible to say that falling in love is a sin for a married woman?
In fact, falling in love or falling in love, which has not grown into a sinful prodigal passion, is something from which no person is insured all his life. We all tend to be fascinated by the personality of another person. There is nothing sinful in the ability to sincerely admire the people around us - this is even wonderful, because through this we discover God. But if a person takes this charm for love, then, paraphrasing the poet, "his lot is terrible, and his house is fragile." And at the same time, it is very important to realize that no matter how wonderful a man is - tall, slender, smart, educated, rich - there is never a guarantee that in a day, an hour or even five minutes later you will not meet another slightly taller, more physically developed, smarter, richer, handsome and charming… One should never forget that the path of passion and superficial love joy, which brings a fleeting feeling of new victories, is always a downward path, a path to degradation, a path to losing oneself, a path that immediately take control of the demonic forces, very reluctant to part with their victims.

Father Vyacheslav, what advice would you give to a woman who is sure that she has met the love of her life and is about to get married?
I would wish her to feel like Eve, who found Adam, as the missing part of herself. To be sure that there is no other Adam on the whole Earth, except for the one given to her by God. To be afraid of losing the one who fills life with meaning and guidance, just as Christ leads and gives life to the Church. Forget the terrible and godless word - divorce. To know that family happiness is based on parental prayers and blessings. To thank the One Who gave each of us the joys of friendship, love, creativity and knowledge. To be ready to justify the name given to her at the dawn of human history - the giver of Life.

with father Vyacheslav
interviewed by Ivan Mikhailov